Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
