if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
two words...techno handjob
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
