I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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