that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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