MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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