My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
