remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
