Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
