so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
