Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You can't motorboat a personality
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
