she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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