well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We got so high we made milksteak
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
