the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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