My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
