I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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