If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
