I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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