dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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