I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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