so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
