You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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