I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone signed my nipple.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
