Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
