its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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