He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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