I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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