Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
