oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
