Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
