If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
