she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
