dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
