So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
