whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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