you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
