just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
