There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
