we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
