A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
