Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My cat gives me a boner
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
