Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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