My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
