Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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