i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
