First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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