Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize