hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
