i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
