I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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