wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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