So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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