I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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