What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
