He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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